man farts, i giggle

So...I felt compelled to write this lovely gem of a story. Here I am, waiting in the New Haven train station...waiting for the stupid Amtrak train to Boston to finally frickin arrive. The bastard sign says it's running "50 minutes late" but I know better. I have at least 90 minutes before I can even think about getting up and going to the track. This comes to no surpise to me that it's running late. I mean, for real, I've probably taken Amtrak 20 times this year and maybe...MAYBE...once it was actually on time. I don't get it. Do they hit traffic? I mean...one would think trains would be the easiest mode of transportation and the most reliable option out there...but nope. It literally NEVER runs on time. Yet I still get so pissed when I see it running late. They're quick to take my money, probably the fastest thing they're good at, the bastards. But I digress.

This story involves the water buffalo of a man I had the pleasure of sitting next to in the train station. Trying not to choke on the smell of piss and poverty, I see from the corner of my eye that this guy next to me making a sudden and very unexpected movement. So I glance over in his direction to see if he's OK, only to find him leaning hard to the right (away from me) and lifting his left buttcheek off the wooden bench (toward me) and proceed to let out a loud, wet, bench shaking fart. At first, I'm shocked that I just witnessed this (and then even more shocked to realize my mouth was open the whole time). Totally grossed out, I then realize that this is pretty funny. Who has the audacity to rip ass like that? In public??! AT ME?! It was one of the grossest things I've ever been a part of. Haha. But then again, what was I really expecting from this elephant sitting next to me? I should've seen this one coming a mile away! Perhaps my head was clouded by the urine smell of the New Haven Station or by the ugly couple across from me "secretly" groping eachother. Ahh, just another Sunday Funday experiencing all that is Amtrak.Thanks Obama for funneling all that money into it...now I can guarantee a story like this every time I take a ride. Jerk.